In this video Tony Robbins guides 13 year old Hannah to uncover the reason for her suicide attempt.
Too often parents focus on the specific unwanted behavior their children display. They identify the behavior as the problem when in reality it is a symptom for something deeper. Although Hannah's behavior of suicide attempts is an extreme example the same theory can be applied to everyday behaviors that cause chaos or disruption within the family and home.
When your child takes on an unwanted behavior be slow to react. Take a deep breath. Look at the surrounding factors. Ask your child questions to help him identify what he is feeling. It is those feelings that will be the key to uncovering the root of the unwanted behavior.
There is always a reason.
Once you have identified the reason, whether you agree or not, honor your child's feelings. Take the time to guide your child through the process of sorting out his feelings in order to help him reach a more positive way to express himself.
By doing so you will have created several blessings for your child and your relationship. Your child will learn to examine his feelings more closely and in turn refrain from acting out in a negative way. But more importantly you will send the message that you are there for him with an offering of unconditional love, compassion and understanding. In contrast, reacting out of frustration resulting in issuing ultimatums and punishments will undoubtedly create a divide in your relationship and send a message of isolation and being misunderstood.
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