12 Yr Old Says “It’s Just Not Fair!”
“Why do some parents try to make their kids be all the same?” asked my 12 yr old grandson, Zach, with a very confused look on his face.
Zach and I had just finished a “snack” break (we home school) and were back at our desks to continue with our work, Zach with fraction subtraction and me writing an article for my next newsletter encouraging parents to respect the individuality of their children.
As I started to type, Zach asked if there was anything he could do to help me. It was more of an attempt to show gratitude for his offer but I read what I had written so far. He listened intently to what I had written about how life is without a doubt much simpler for parents of multiple children to “group parent” especially in this day and age when everyone is so busy. And then he said, “That’s pretty good but you should just explain to them that kids are different and it isn’t fair to try to make someone be like someone else!”
Of course my first reaction was as his grandmother so I was touched by his generous attempt to help me in my work and chuckled at his simplistic view of solving the problem…I even posted it on face book with this photo of Zach to share with all of my friends.
And as I read the kind and complimentary comments posted on my face book wall about my sweet and oh so helpful grandson, I began to realize that he was absolutely right. When I looked at it from a coaching perspective I could see how Zach’s simplistic view was dead on. The direct and simple approach that gets right to the heart of the matter from the ones who are affected the most has got to be the one that will have the greatest impact on parents.
So, I am taking Zach’s advice.
Rather than spend a lot of time explaining how important it is to a child to be honored and respected as his own person and how celebrating the differences in your children raises their self-worth and self-esteem…
I am going to simply relay a few examples of Zach’s perspective on how he feels kids think…
According to Zach, kids feel it’s just not FAIR:
- to expect me to like baseball just because my brother does.
- to think I should get all A's because my sister does.
- to make me eat eggs for breakfast everyday because my brother wants to.
- to think I should be interested in fishing because my brother is.
- to get upset with me when I don't want the same exact shoes my brother has.
- that you act disappointed when I say I don't want to enroll in gymnastics like my sister is.
I bet if you ask your children
they will probably agree with Zach!
Honor and respect your children’s individual preferences and personalities so they can be who they are and not someone else. It is the fair thing to do.
Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coaching, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 50 articles on parenting, several of which have attracted international attention, and is a contributor to the parenting section of "The Infinite Field Magazine".
Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her to live according to the principles of the law of attraction long before it became a household term. Subsequently she has purposefully studied and practiced the law of attraction for the last fifteen years. Her formal education was in early childhood education, psychology, and substance abuse.
She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, and created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting…The Missing Secret" on Face Book. She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working with parenting and the law of attraction.