3 Questions to Determine If You Have A Healthy Parenting Mindset

by denny hagel on September 4, 2011

Do you have a healthy “Parenting Mindset”? Everywhere we go we are being encouraged to examine and improve our mindset…MIND SET…these two small words joined together hold the key to our success in life.
Whether it is our mindset concerning our jobs, career, personal achievements, relationships or financial status, every expert in the coaching field is telling us that our first step and most critical step to creating what we want is to examine what our mind is set on.
What they are saying, in simple terms, is that how we perceive, envision or anticipate through our thoughts has a huge impact on the results we receive.
  • Business coaches will tell you that if you think you can’t succeed in business that you are wasting your time…success will not come.
  • Personal life coaches will encourage you to focus on what is good and positive and already working in your life in order to gain the improvements you desire because dwelling on what is negative keeps you stuck.
  • Relationship healing coaches take you back in time to think about and remember happier, more joyful times so that you can get your thoughts going in a more positive direction.
Our generation has brought to the forefront the key to help us create the life we want to have. The key is in our understanding of the value, power and impact of our mindset, what our mind is set on and therefore we believe.
In an effort to achieve our desired outcome, once armed with this powerful awareness, the logical response (and the one millions of people are paying sometimes very high coaching fees for) is to change what we currently believe.
For example:
Business Mindset
Negative Belief                                    Contrasting Positive Belief
I can’t compete with the top                 I have a valuable product or service.
experts in my field.
Life Mindset
Negative Belief                                    Contrasting Positive Belief
Nothing ever works out for me.              I deserve everything I desire.
Relationship Mindset
Negative Belief                                    Contrasting Positive Belief
I always attract the wrong person.         I will meet my perfect partner.

These are a few examples of negative thought patterns that our mind can be set on that limits what actually happens in our lives. It is the basic principle of the Universal Law of Attraction that says what you focus your thoughts and energy on will manifest itself as reality. Often times these thoughts loom in our subconscious mind and are out of our awareness. And this is where the real work begins…identifying and releasing the negative thoughts stuck in our mind that are limiting our potential in order to replace them with positive thoughts that will serve our intentions.
Let's examine how this affects how we raise our children.
Just as there are negative beliefs that affect our level of success in business, relationships and life in general there are also negative beliefs that will affect our success as a parent…I refer to this as our “Parenting Mindset”.
By definition, a healthy parenting mindset is a thought pattern that acknowledges and respects your child’s individuality. It sees the role of parents as one who inspires, guides, supports and encourages their child to explore, investigate and experience life in order realize his/her dreams and passion.
A healthy parenting mindset understands that the most important relationship in your children's lives is their relationship with themselves. How they perceive themselves internally as well as their place in the world around them. It is through their perception that they will find their confidence, courage, self-esteem and sense of responsibility. It is a healthy parent who sees his job as one who inspires and guides his children to explore and experience life in order to develop a positive and healthy relationship with themselves, thus learning to trust and rely on their own internal guidance system.

The intention of almost every parent is to raise their children to be happy, healthy and successful. This can only happen when parents approach their parenting journey with a healthy parenting mindset.
Children who are raised by parents without a healthy parenting mindset find themselves reaching adulthood struggling with a whole host of limiting beliefs and thoughts that must be over-ridden in order be able to create the life they want.
What is your parenting mindset? And how do you know if you have a healthy parenting mindset?
Ask yourself these 3 questions to find out…

    1.  A) Am I drawn to teaching my children all I know and have learned about life?
         B) Do I reserve my beliefs and opinions and encourage my kids to form their own based on what they experience?
    2.  A) Do I feel I know what is best for my children?
         B) Do I see my children as individuals needing to find what is right for them?
    3.  A) I believe my job as a parent is to provide rules and boundaries for my children.
         B) I believe my job as a parent is to inspire and encourage my children to establish what they feel is good and positive
If you chose answer “B” for any of the three questions, congratulations…you are well on your way to having a healthy Parenting Mindset.
A healthy parenting mindset does not control,
dictate, or manipulate so that the child becomes what
the parent deems appropriate or successful.
When these things are prevalent in the parent/child relationship the children lose their ability to create their own life and are forced to live life through the eyes and desires of their parents.
By examining your parenting mindset you have taken the first step. And in doing so you are now in a position to move forward to improve and enhance your skills to be the best parent you can be, enabling you to empower your children with the mindset and skills they need to create a life that will bring them their greatest joy and true happiness.
Now take the NEXT step…
Skills, tools, insights and strategies to
BE the Best Parent YOU Can Be


Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 100 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 24 countries.

Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives

She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.

Denny has created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum" on Face Book which now has over 600 members.  She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of the newly published "The Missing Secret to Parenting", "The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula", "Mini-Me Syndrome" and two free e-booklets Parenting Using the Law of Attraction and Becoming an Awakened Parent".

  • http://www.travelwritingpro.com Claudia Looi

    Wow, a thought just came to me. We should put this resource in every baby shower gift. Can you imagine… the information will help the would be parent to set his or her parenting mindset on the right track….as they prepare for the arrival of a newborn.

  • Anonymous

    Yes! I couldn’t agree more Claudia! Love your way of thinking! :)

  • http://www.backtohealthnaturally.com Karen Brooks

    Loved the article! Mindset is the most critical element of anything we chose to do. Claudia was right about giving this as a baby shower gift. What a wonderful idea in helping new parents be the best that they can be!

  • http://www.ad-virtualassistance.com Anastasiya Day

    Great article – loved it! I agree with Karen that our mindset is the most critical element of anything we chose to do. I also like the idea about baby shower gift from Claudia. Thanks for sharing.

  • http://thepictureofhealth.com Michelle Pearson

    Right on target for raising secure, confident children fulfilling their purposes! thanks! 

  • http://www.PathToLifeSuccess.net Hughie Bagnell

    Excellent Denny…the “looking glass self” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and fortunately or unfortunately is fueled by socioeconomic influences…another thought provoking article Denny…Thank you, Hughie 

  • http://www.elviesessentials.com Elvie Look

    Great article Denny… no… Brilliant! It is baffles my mind to understand how a negative mindset can affect the outcome. I don’t fully understand it, but I am working hard to get rid of stinking thinking, which no doubt affected me since childhood. Thank you for helping me to keep on this road. 

  • Lori

    WOW! Great article Denny. It has really made me think about my parenting mindset! Thanks!

  • http://www.pamelawrightsolutions.com pamela wright

    Thanks, Denny for this great article!  I love your questions!!  Parenting well really is a skill to be learned.

  • http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com Olga

    Denny, you are so diligent in bringing to good stuff to the table! Why didn’t we learn this  30 years ago. Today my oldest is 30 years old. When I think back, I made mistakes with the right motives, but the mistakes were made. Now, we can laugh about it. But, just like Claudia says we would need this at our baby shower; it would be an excellent gift! Thanks!

  • Alina

    Great article Denny! I am so happy to have found your site (via Sandi K and Facebook) as my fiance and I want to raise our future children with the LoA and have previously been a little intimidated by how to do so the “right” way. I look forward to exploring your site and keeping notes for when it is “our time”! :)

  • Jen

    Mindset plays sucha huge role in our lives and the lives of our children.  It is my prayer that I would always allow God to not only guide each of my steps as I raise my little guy, but that I would continually be open to the work that He wants to do in his life!  Thanks for sharing Denny!

  • Anonymous

    There is no greater aspiration Jen, I have no doubt that you are and will continue to be a blessing to your son. :)

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Alina! I am thrilled to connect with you as well! Kudos to you and your fiance for realizing that becoming successful parents actually begins long before you  give birth! The fact that you are in the “preparing” mode now is so impressive! Looking forward to updates from you !!! :)

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Olga! I too like Claudia’s idea!!

  • Anonymous

    I share your insight Pamela…and am so pleased that more and more parents are opening up to this! Thanks for commenting!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for commenting Lori!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks dear friend…you have given me an idea for a new topic…”how negative thinking affects the outcome!!”  I am sure you are not alone in this confusion. Be watching! :)

  • Anonymous

    I appreciate your kind words Michelle! :)

  • Anonymous

    Yes!! I am giving great thought to Claudia’s idea! Thanks!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Karen…Claudia has my mind spinning on how to get this to expectant moms!

  • http://www.elviesessentials.com Elvie Look

    I’m definitely watching… looking forward to that article as I still can’t figure it out. Maybe it is beyond black and white, and that is why I can’t grasp it. Don’t let me miss it!!

  • Wil

    Giving our kids a strong, positive self-image is essential. What a helpful article, Denny!

  • http://twitter.com/CarolGiambri Carol Giambri

    Thanks Denny for explaining the mindsets.  I know of many who have the “negative” mindset sadly.  Negative or  bad parenting mindset affects the kids sadly.  It has to affect these innocent kids.  Some parents think they are in the military with their kids–total control freaks.  I sure hope the kids don’t come out damaged. I am sadly thinking of two cuties that have this authoritative strong willed parenting spirit cast over them as a form of what the parent thinks is “discipline.”  Not my style however embraced.  Great post.

  • http://www.thekidscoach.org.uk Naomi

    Thank heavens for that. I got B’s. Made me think so thank you for sharing your blog.

  • http://twitter.com/SusanMcKenzieWY Susan McKenzie

    What provocative questions… I got 2 B’s and 1 A… scoring really made me think twice! Thanks, Denny, for helping us to rethink and to rebuild our parenting mindset. I always look forward to opening up your website and reading your uplifting articles!

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Susan, I appreciate your support and kind words! :))

  • Anonymous

    You are very welcome…

  • Anonymous

    I am glad this helped to clarify for you Carol. Thanks!

  • http://twitter.com/McKennaGordon McKenna Gordon

    I’m guilty of answering “A” on all of these. But I’m also happy that I answered “B” on all of these. LOL… I replay my day and week… and I see myself having both the “A” and the “B” mentality, depending on the situation. My kids are little so I can see how my mindset needs to get ready for more of a “B” mentality as they age.

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  • cat

    umm.. what if i want to do first on the first question

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  • olgahermans

    I am so glad to read that I am doing pretty good as a parent…thanks Denny!

  • jennyshain

    Awesome article Denny! Our mindset effects ourselves & our families. We must train our children so that they can embrace larger possibilities & a bigger mindset.

  • http://twitter.com/SueGlashower Sue Glashower

    What great questions to ask yourself as a parent! I want to empower my children to thrive and discover their unique gifts and talents that God has given them, not manipulate them or try to control them (although at times I am sure I do that without meaning to).

  • Ron Cross

    Great post Denny, and so on point! Absolutely everything is won or lost in the battlefield of your mind. The bible speaks of the power of your thoughts often. Loved this one!

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