Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager?

by denny hagel on April 25, 2011

 
 
 
 
 
Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager? At first glance some of you may think this is a trick question! It isn’t. I ask the question for several reasons.

The first is because so many of the parents who contact me for coaching are overloaded with stress and anxiety in an attempt to cope with their teenager.

Many parents feel their relationship is no longer enjoyable…
They are not having any fun!

iStock 000005586427XSmall Mom Megaphone Teen3 Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager?
The second is something that happened recently and took me by surprise… As many of you know, I host a parent discussion group on Face Book, “Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum” where each week I post a new topic to provide parents with a place to learn and share their ideas and concerns.

Last week’s topic was, “From a parenting perspective what age do you enjoy the most?” Several people posted a variety of ages they most enjoyed and I commented that my favorite is 5-6 yr olds who are full of curious questions, phenomenal ideas and amazing conversations.

The surprise came from all of the private messages and emails this discussion topic produced. My in-box was overflowing with messages from parents saying this topic raised many uncomfortable feelings and angst because their relationship with their children (pre-teen or teenager) feels bogged down by every feeling imaginable… but enjoyment and fun are not on the list.

Some shared how they just hoped and prayed the teen years would simply hurry up and be over, others said they were biting their tongues and biding their time and one parent even confided they are contemplating sending their teenage daughter to live with a distant relative because she was being so disruptive to the other children in the family.

What began as a “fun” topic turned into an area requiring serious attention. Too many parents of teens are so out of connection with their children that the idea of actually enjoying them is out of the question.

Our children go through many transitional times as they develop; each with their own unique value and the teen years are no different. Certainly there are challenges at every age but there is also joy and fun… even during the teenage years.

This generation of parents is not the first to feel the helpless and hopeless emotions that accompany this disconnect. This parent/teenager disconnect is not new.

We have all heard the saying “When the student is ready,
the teacher will appear.
In this case the students are asking, therefore the teacher is called to respond!

Over 40 years ago I first experienced the seeds to a “process” used by my parents to help one of my younger sisters get her life on a more positive track during her teen years. She was making choices that were not conducive to the cooperative life style my parents had created in our home. I remember it as a real testing of the waters so to speak!

My parents were completely in favor of allowing us to live with our consequences unless they felt we would be in emotional or physical danger…then they would intervene.
What seemed to be the most upsetting for my parents was the disconnect that resulted from my sister’s "heels dug in" attitude to be uncooperative. She was simply determined to test the level of control she had over her life at that point.

I remember the final straw on one Saturday night when she told my parents she had been invited to a friend’s house for a pool party. My parents agreed and asked her to please call to let them know she had arrived safely…the party was 2 towns away. She agreed. After the first hour came and went and they didn’t receive a call from her, they began to worry.

When they called her friend’s house no one answered. (These were the days before cell phones!) Being really concerned at this point, it was decided that my father would drive there to be sure everything was okay.

When he arrived my sister’s friend’s parents were just pulling into their driveway. There was no one else there, obviously no pool party. My father learned that the pool party had been canceled because of a family emergency which meant there would be no one there to chaperon.

Of course my father’s concern at that point was where was my sister? Even though these were the days prior to cell phones, there were pay phones at every corner and my parents were emphatic that we always carry a dime in case we needed to call home! No that isn’t a typo…you really could make a call for only 10 cents!
iStock 000015580738XSmall Phone Booth Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager?
The fact that my sister did not call to let my parents know that she did in fact get to her friend’s house safely was pretty much minimized when they learned that she had decided to go to yet another town to see a movie without checking in!

The next day was a long day of discussions between my parents and my sister.

But what happened at the end of the day changed the relationship between her and my parents, improved my sister’s attitude and eventually restored our home to a co-operative environment.

My parents managed to reach an agreement with my sister that spelled out a way for everyone to move forward in a positive and constructive way that honored and respected everyone.

In the last 25 years I have used the core elements of this same process combined with what I have learned in my formal education and through my own experiences as a mother and grandmother to help families who were faced with a deteriorating relationship with their teenager. I have seen amazing transformations as a result.

I know first-hand that the value of this process is immeasurable, therefore, for quite some time I have been diligently working to transform this process into e-Book format in order to provide it to all parents in an easily accessible way and at an affordable price.


This complete comprehensive program, “The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula” provides parents with the skills, tools and strategies to help them align and connect with their teenager in a way that creates an atmosphere of “team work” to resolve conflicts rather than a divisive atmosphere of “opposite sides”.

In addition it also offers parents of younger children the necessary skills and tools to establish a solid foundation for a mutually respectful and cooperative environment in order to prevent many of the emotionally turbulent times parents and their teens encounter.
 
iStock 000002905912XSmall Flat open book pages1 Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager?Within the over 170 jam-packed pages,you not only receive detailed explanations of the critical components of healthy communication with children, you also receive examples, real life tips and strategies complete with exercises to use with your children so that they can master these life-changing skills as well.

Begin Today to effectively change the dynamics of your
relationship with your children.

It’s time to bring the joy and fun back!

DH CPRFPnT ebook 1 1553 Are You Having Fun With Your Teenager?

Only $ 91.77

Your Price $ 61.77

Available in eBook format for immediate download so you can begin changing your relationship with your child TODAY!


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  • http://10bestchoices.com Olga Hermans

    This brings back a lot of memories; our children are grown now. But it actually doesn’t matter how old they are; we always will be the parents, isn’t it?

  • Anonymous

    Denny, I don’t have kids of my own, but I watch friends and family navigate the turbulent teenage waters … and it’s obviously not easy. How great that you’ve made excerpts of your ebook available to those parents in dire need. But I have a different request: when I read “spelled out a way for everyone to move forward in a positive and constructive way that honored and respected everyone,” I had an idea. Can you send copies of this to everyone in the Senate and House of Representatives, as well as to our President. They could use some of what you’re offering!

  • Denny

    So true Olga, no matter how old they are, they are and always will be our “babies”!

  • Denny

    You are too funny Sharon, although on second thought you do have a point! Problem being who would be the designated parent?Ha!:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carol-Rosenberg-Giambri/655311615 Carol Rosenberg Giambri

    Denny, I remember the days of pay phones and booths for 10 cents too. Those were the “old” days. Now of course cell phones even teens carry around. I’m sure today it is not easy being a teen but making life a wee bit stressful by making a “safety checkin” phone call doesn’t seem to be asking too much from my perspective. However, teens are a different breed, and not saying bad, but some just don’t feel the need to check. I’m sure there are many teens and parents who do have fun together. Your CPR program sounds wonderful. I’m sure there is at least one tip every parent of teens or soon to be teens can benefit from. Will pass this on to others.

  • http://CarlaJGardiner.com/ Carla J Gardiner

    Just last night I had a talk with a friend who has two teenagers. She recently lost her husband who was the disciplinarian of the home. Not only dealing with her grief, now she is dealing with a rebellious 16 year old son.

    I remember my son going through a similar stage, although not losing his dad and I nearly cried myself into oblivion and wanted to strangle the kid. My friend is nearing her last nerve and cried as we talked.

    She really needs this and I’m going to forward it to her. Thanks, Denny you are a life saver.

  • Nancy

    I don’t have kids. To be honest, little kids scare me. But I love teenagers! Maybe because I’m still a teenager at heart. But I love what you are saying about FUN! It’s so important. Parents, channel your inner teenager and have some fun!

  • Denny

    Great advice from a non-parent! What better way to connect than at their level…’inner teen’! Love it!

  • Denny

    So sorry to hear about your friend Carla. Please pass on my deepest sympathy and if there is any way I can help Carla, you know that is what I am here for. Feel free to pass on my email…Blessings~

  • Denny

    Thanks for commenting Carol and for your kind words!

  • Anonymous

    Denny, your program sounds like something every parent with a teen could use! While we haven’t experienced something like the story about your sister (yet), we’re definitely getting much less communication from our 15 year old at home, who seems to be retreating ever further into a quiet, sullen shell that’s becoming incresingly difficult to penetrate. I’ve heard the same complaint from other colleagues with teens as well, and we’re all generally stumped…
    Thanks,
    Lily

  • Denny

    Thanks Lily, I hear this very thing from so many parents (which is why I felt compelled to develop this program and put it in e-Book format for parents to have easy and affordable access) and although this is a “natural” part of the teen transition process there are ways to break through the barriers. It is important to find a balance between allowing them their space and remaining connected. For the most part teens are living in 2 worlds, one foot in childhood and the other in new territory…young adulthood. Which is what fuels their “moods”! It is an up and down transition of feeling confident and confused at the same time!

  • Beau Henderson

    Hey Denny,
    What a great resource to share for parents and teens. I’m going to recommend to my clients now. Thanks!

  • Denny

    Thank you so much Beau!

  • http://www.thekidscoach.org.uk Naomi

    Denny what you are doing is great and I will be coming to you when my chidlren are aprroaching teen years!

    http://www.thekidscoach.org.uk

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