If Parenting Is The Most Important Job Why Is It The One With The Least Training?

by denny hagel on August 28, 2011

Parenting is the most important job you will ever have and yet it is the one where we seek and receive the least amount of training. And there is a reason for that.

Millions of dollars are spent every day in countless markets to learn to do all sorts of things. At the top of the list is how to make more money. When you check the statistics on Google there is clear evidence that the number of new business entrepreneurs is growing at a massive rate. The biggest reason is the decline in the economy resulting in the need for people to find new ways to generate income.

It is the typical scenario of supply and demand. It has grown into a crazy cycle of people getting rich by convincing other people that they know the secret to getting rich!  What is sold is concept, theory and opinions and ideas that you are asked to implement in order to make money.

And the reason is this…

As human beings we are wired to respond first to the biggest itch! Not a very technical and sophisticated explanation I know, however I think you get my point.

If asked to name the number one “problem” area in your life, 9 out of 10 would say financial. That’s the biggest itch. And therefore that is what commands the bulk of your attention and focus… Finding a way to scratch that itch. Without hesitating, millions of people are quick to acknowledge they do not have the skills to accomplish their goal and are flocking to wherever they believe they can obtain the knowledge and information they need to increase their financial revenue.

Let’s relate this to raising our children.

When our children are born they need two things from us. They require physical care and love. By virtue of providing food we are demonstrating our love, thus their infant status needs are met. These are for the most part basic easy needs to fill. As they grow physically we gain a sense of confidence in being able to care for our children. The proof is in the result of a healthy well-nourished child. In the natural order of life, they continue to grow and develop and so does our confidence.

Our children learn to look toward us for the majority of the information they need to form their opinions about themselves and the world they live in. In their minds we have all the answers and fulfill all their needs.

It is an emotional dance of supply and demand. They demonstrate a need and we are quick to supply the solution. We feed them when they are hungry, put a jacket on them when they are cold and even have the magic touch of a simple kiss to make the hurt go away when they fall and skin their knee.

The steps of this emotional dance are being perfected as the developmental years come and go. They find their needs met and our confidence grows that we know what is required to meet those needs.

Until one day when the dance is interrupted by a situation, a behavior or a choice that results in conflict or chaos. Our reaction is the same…to put forth our solution. And rather than eagerly accepting our answer as has been the practice in the past, it is rejectedthey have ideas of their own.
Conflict enters the picture and parents are left scratching their heads wondering what is happening. They become focused on the “change” in their children and see only one solution. The goal becomes to find a way to reverse things back to the way they once were when what they knew exactly what their children needed.

The problem is that their children now require a different type of response from their parents. Their minds and emotions are broadening in countless new directions and they need guidance and nurturing on a completely new level. They need a deepened emotional awareness accompanied by the skills to successfully communicate on a level that their children will respond to. And most parents are not equipped to do this.
Parents relate to their children much the same way their parents related to them. There was never any formal training or education to provide them with the knowledge to be able to offer what their children are now needing. Unfortunately, parents tend to hang on to the confidence they gained throughout the younger years of being able to fulfill their child’s needs and this convinces them that it is the child who has created the conflict and so the heels get dug in. They now see their children as rebellious and misbehaving.
The new dynamics in their home can create massive chaos and upset. Negativity builds. Resentment and frustration now replace the once loving and joyful atmosphere that existed when their children were younger. This now becomes the biggest itch in their life.

Far too often parents refuse to see this as a time for self examination and self-growth…subsequently, it is only a few parents who will seek outside help. Their false level of confidence feeds their ability to rationalize the core of the conflicts they are experiencing with their children. Their children begin to see their parents as people who are no longer there to fulfill their needs. Thus, the seeds of an emotional divide are planted.

Unless parents are willing to open their hearts and minds to realize and accept that they do not have the skills to fulfill the new needs of their children this divide will continue to grow and deepen. When their children reach their teenage years parents will feel they have lost their connection with them. And sadly,  they would be correct.


With the same determination and resolve, parents need to seek the a level of knowledge that will enable them to successfully relate to and guide their children as they do when they are driven to increase their financial status.

I have often talked about the fact that when asked what the most important thing is in life, hands down people say it is their children and yet when we honestly examine our actions, more time, effort and money is devoted to gaining financially than acquiring the skills to successfully parent their children in a way that truly serves their needs.

  • What if the same or even half of what is put into learning the skills and tools to acquire financial gain is put into gaining skills to effectively parent our children so that our connection remains positive, strong and growing?
  • What if you had the training and necessary skills and strategies to create a relationship with your children that removed times of disconnect and instead created a bond that could weather any challenges that occurred?

I would be honored to help you.
But the first step begins with you!

The Missing Secret to Parenting will give you these skills.
I urge you to invest TODAY in increasing your parenting
knowledge bank in order to be the best parent you can be.

Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 60 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 24 countries.

Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives

She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.

Denny has created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum" on Face Book which now has over 600 members.  She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of the newly published "The Missing Secret to Parenting", "The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula", "Mini-Me Syndrome" and two free e-booklets Parenting Using the Law of Attraction and Becoming an Awakened Parent".

  • http://www.younglivingoillady.com Carrie Raab

    Blessings to you!  Thanks for all the wisdom you pour out to us moms!

  • http://www.pamelawrightsolutions.com pamela wright

    Great article, Denny!

  • Anonymous

    Denny, there are many things that are not taught.  From my focus, you know “money” is one of them.  Like “parenting,” the assumption is that we innately know what to do.  Yet we can (and do) make so many mistakes in the process.  And it isn’t until a crisis arises that we address the issue.  Unfortunately, in the case of parenting, the damage is so much more lasting … and often irreversible.  So don’t stop doing what you do! 

  • http://micheletremblay.com Michele M Tremblay

    Dear Denny,
    I love reading your articles. I have raised my children and was able to connect with my children and stay connected all through their teenage years. I often wonder why people have “trouble” with their teenagers, but reading your articles often highlights why. My husband and I have always maintained an open conversation in out home…we talk about EVERYTHING with our sons and are very eager to hear their thoughts on any topic. This is the thing I treasure the most about our family. We have SO MUCH FUN…always and I just can’t get enough!
    Thank you for helping young families forge meaningful relationships with their children. They will forever thank you and enjoy years of fun and companionship together. What a blessing you bestow on those you help.

  • http://www.ad-virtualassistance.com Anastasiya Day

    Denny – great article! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!

  • http://lyndeutsch.com Lyndeutsch

    always a good read!

  • Anonymous

    Comments like yours Michele are what motivates me more and more! What you have done with your children will spread out into the world through their children and grandchildren-Blessings as you have blessed the world raising extraordinary children! Thank you so much for sharing!:))

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t agree more Sharon, sadly it takes a crisis more often than not to gain attention toward critical areas in life…As parents, we have an obligation to look at our lives and see where we struggle, what is blocking us from living a joy-filled life and then do all we can to nurture our children in a way that protects them from the same. But I am happy to say that more and more parents are awakening to this fact! Together we can change the world Sharon! Thanks!:)

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Pamela!

  • Anonymous

    You are welcome Carrie, it is my passion and my pleasure! :)

  • Anonymous

    Jennifer Bennett Hi Denny! Love your article. It just didn’t let me post my comment
    Here it is though: Another great one Denny! I’m always amazed at the
    fact that the most important job in the world, raising our children, is
    the one that has the least amount of training. I’m grateful for you
    and your expertise! Thanks for sharing!

  • http://twitter.com/CarolGiambri Carol Giambri

    Denny, great article. I think we are “missing” a parenting manual.  We assume when we become parents we know how to “parent.”  So we then turn around and reinvent our own rules as a “power of authority” and sometimes “fear” instilled into kids. I’ve seen this happen sadly and looks like the parent looks and behaves like a drill sargent.

  • http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com Olga

    Like you said Denny, that we don’t take time to learn about the most precious thigs in our life like raising our children, geting married and money issues. A vere strange thing because those are the things that when we have them covered our life goes way up in quality. That’s why we need people like you Denny 😉

  • http://www.thekidscoach.org.uk Naomi

    Great articel Denny. Yes parent training is a good idea and there are many options on this side of the water to do that. More and more are doing it because it is so hard to parent. So much time and energy are put into raising a child and unfortunately not every has that. I think that is why communication is not so strong in some families.

  • Anonymous

    Well said Olga, and thank you so much for your kind words! :)

  • Anonymous

    I agree with your insights Carol, if there was one thing I could magically implant into parent’s minds it would be that what you model to your children you will see in them so be VERY careful what you choose to model! Thanks for commenting and sharing!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for commenting Jennifer…even though it took the long way around to get posted! I appreciate your efforts! :))

  • Anonymous

    I too am seeing an increase in parents opening their hearts and minds with a willingness to seek help. I am thrilled when they do because they are quick to  find that parenting is only as hard as they make it…parenting, as is life, is meant to be joyful and happy! And with the right tools and skills, it can be! Thanks for commenting and sharing your insights Naomi!

  • http://twitter.com/SusanMcKenzieWY Susan McKenzie

    Denny, I believe that if we put our focus on the family, learning the skills to living in love and peace, we wouldn’t have economic problems anywhere in the world. I believe most solutions to problems in this world originate in our own hearts, in our own homes… and when invest in ourselves and in our families, we are changing the world around us. I am so glad that you are helping us all to make a difference, right where we live… in the heart of the family!

  • Lori

    You hit the nail on the head Denny. It is so true that parents say their children and the most important thing to them, but their actions say something different. It is so important that we as parents making parenting our priority. We only have them for a short time before they take off in the world and become adults. We need to make sure we have taught them what they need to know. Wonderful article!

  • Anonymous

    Susan, thank you so much for sharing your amazing insights and wisdom. I agree completely and for this reason I am passionately motivated. :)

  • http://twitter.com/McKennaGordon McKenna Gordon

    I’m in love with your blog. This is just what I need. Today was a HARD day with my sweet 4 year old. He’s too smart for his britches, as my great grandma would say. We ended on a great note though. Candyland and lots of cuddles. :)

  • Joanie McMahon

    When I taught parenting groups, I always felt uplifted afterwards ….. having support and knowledge was invaluable. I agree it is so needed for all parents……even though I had the theory down chatting and being supported made all the difference. Thank U Denny. Keep up the great posts.

  • Anonymous

    Totally agree Joanie! Thanks!

  • Anonymous

    Oh thank you so much McKenna! I am glad to hear your day ended well! That is so important to end the day on  a positive note!

  • Anonymous

    Thanks Lori, the time goes by so fast too! I can’t believe I am a grandmother raising grandchildren!!! Where does the time go? :)

  • Anonymous

    Love your site! Sharing it with my daughter, the lovely mother of my 3 GRANDkids!

  • http://www.PathToLifeSuccess.net Hughie Bagnell

    Great article Denny! …Thank you, Hughie

  • Claudia Looi

    You just asked the most important question…When my daughter was born all I did was buy a few parenting books. Needless to say there were lots of bumps along the way. I believe parents need a parenting coach and support group Great article Denny.

  • http://www.angelabrook.com Angela Brooks

    With a teenager in the house and very much testing his ground -this article was super great awesome information to think about

  • http://www.bestrealhealth.com Pat Moon

    Unfortunately, parenting does not come with an instruction book.  You are correct in that parents do need to invest in becoming better parents.  Great article.

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