Parenting is the most important job you will ever have and yet it is the one where we seek and receive the least amount of training. And there is a reason for that.
Millions of dollars are spent every day in countless markets to learn to do all sorts of things. At the top of the list is how to make more money. When you check the statistics on Google there is clear evidence that the number of new business entrepreneurs is growing at a massive rate. The biggest reason is the decline in the economy resulting in the need for people to find new ways to generate income.
It is the typical scenario of supply and demand. It has grown into a crazy cycle of people getting rich by convincing other people that they know the secret to getting rich! What is sold is concept, theory and opinions and ideas that you are asked to implement in order to make money.
And the reason is this…
As human beings we are wired to respond first to the biggest itch! Not a very technical and sophisticated explanation I know, however I think you get my point.
If asked to name the number one “problem” area in your life, 9 out of 10 would say financial. That’s the biggest itch. And therefore that is what commands the bulk of your attention and focus… Finding a way to scratch that itch. Without hesitating, millions of people are quick to acknowledge they do not have the skills to accomplish their goal and are flocking to wherever they believe they can obtain the knowledge and information they need to increase their financial revenue.
Let’s relate this to raising our children.
When our children are born they need two things from us. They require physical care and love. By virtue of providing food we are demonstrating our love, thus their infant status needs are met. These are for the most part basic easy needs to fill. As they grow physically we gain a sense of confidence in being able to care for our children. The proof is in the result of a healthy well-nourished child. In the natural order of life, they continue to grow and develop and so does our confidence.
Our children learn to look toward us for the majority of the information they need to form their opinions about themselves and the world they live in. In their minds we have all the answers and fulfill all their needs.
It is an emotional dance of supply and demand. They demonstrate a need and we are quick to supply the solution. We feed them when they are hungry, put a jacket on them when they are cold and even have the magic touch of a simple kiss to make the hurt go away when they fall and skin their knee.
The steps of this emotional dance are being perfected as the developmental years come and go. They find their needs met and our confidence grows that we know what is required to meet those needs.
Until one day when the dance is interrupted by a situation, a behavior or a choice that results in conflict or chaos. Our reaction is the same…to put forth our solution. And rather than eagerly accepting our answer as has been the practice in the past, it is rejected…they have ideas of their own.
Conflict enters the picture and parents are left scratching their heads wondering what is happening. They become focused on the “change” in their children and see only one solution. The goal becomes to find a way to reverse things back to the way they once were when what they knew exactly what their children needed.
The problem is that their children now require a different type of response from their parents. Their minds and emotions are broadening in countless new directions and they need guidance and nurturing on a completely new level. They need a deepened emotional awareness accompanied by the skills to successfully communicate on a level that their children will respond to. And most parents are not equipped to do this.
Parents relate to their children much the same way their parents related to them. There was never any formal training or education to provide them with the knowledge to be able to offer what their children are now needing. Unfortunately, parents tend to hang on to the confidence they gained throughout the younger years of being able to fulfill their child’s needs and this convinces them that it is the child who has created the conflict and so the heels get dug in. They now see their children as rebellious and misbehaving.
The new dynamics in their home can create massive chaos and upset. Negativity builds. Resentment and frustration now replace the once loving and joyful atmosphere that existed when their children were younger. This now becomes the biggest itch in their life.
Far too often parents refuse to see this as a time for self examination and self-growth…subsequently, it is only a few parents who will seek outside help. Their false level of confidence feeds their ability to rationalize the core of the conflicts they are experiencing with their children. Their children begin to see their parents as people who are no longer there to fulfill their needs. Thus, the seeds of an emotional divide are planted.
Unless parents are willing to open their hearts and minds to realize and accept that they do not have the skills to fulfill the new needs of their children this divide will continue to grow and deepen. When their children reach their teenage years parents will feel they have lost their connection with them. And sadly, they would be correct.
With the same determination and resolve, parents need to seek the a level of knowledge that will enable them to successfully relate to and guide their children as they do when they are driven to increase their financial status.
I have often talked about the fact that when asked what the most important thing is in life, hands down people say it is their children and yet when we honestly examine our actions, more time, effort and money is devoted to gaining financially than acquiring the skills to successfully parent their children in a way that truly serves their needs.
- What if the same or even half of what is put into learning the skills and tools to acquire financial gain is put into gaining skills to effectively parent our children so that our connection remains positive, strong and growing?
- What if you had the training and necessary skills and strategies to create a relationship with your children that removed times of disconnect and instead created a bond that could weather any challenges that occurred?
I would be honored to help you.
But the first step begins with you!
The Missing Secret to Parenting will give you these skills.
I urge you to invest TODAY in increasing your parenting
knowledge bank in order to be the best parent you can be.
Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 60 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 24 countries.
Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives
She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.
Denny has created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum" on Face Book which now has over 600 members. She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of the newly published "The Missing Secret to Parenting", "The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula", "Mini-Me Syndrome" and two free e-booklets “Parenting Using the Law of Attraction” and “Becoming an Awakened Parent".