Parenting…A Joyful Dance?

by denny hagel on July 8, 2010

I have always found it interesting to watch the parenting “dance” between parents and their children.

One version will go like this… I call it the parenting “dance of power”. It usually starts with a parent telling a child to do something…like “Take out the trash!” or “Pick up your toys!” And of course the child typically will respond by either ignoring the order or flat out say “No, I don’t want to!” Either way, the “dance” has begun!

In response the parent will feel the need to take action to enforce his order because children are supposed to obey… Right? And the child feels compelled to rebel because…because…Ahh, so now we have reached the point of the story!

Why do children rebel and defy their parent’s orders?

While watching a different group of parents and children interact in a different version…what I call the parenting “dance of cooperation”, the answer becomes obvious.

This exchange would go like this, “Sam, would you mind taking out the trash?” or “Beth, it is time to eat dinner. This would be a good time to pick up your toys.” The children’s responses were, “Sure!” and “Ok!”

It doesn’t require a great deal of analyzing to see that the child who was “ordered” responded with the same negative attitude he received from his parent, just as the child who received a “request” responded in a positive way.

The Universal Law of Attraction states quite clearly that what you put out you will receive.

In relationships what that means is that if you want to be respected, you must show respect. If you want courtesy, you must be courteous. Seems simple, yet so many times parents forget their children deserve the same respect given to co-workers or neighbors, or friends.

When two people engage in a dance, one is established as the leader. The one leading determines the flow and rhythm of the dance. The leader chooses the direction on the dance floor, the dips and turns, and is ultimately responsible for whether the dance is an enjoyable experience.

Relating to children works the same way. Children look to their parents for guidance in the “dance of life”…it is up to the parent to lead and guide the steps that determine whether the dance will flow smoothly with enjoyment and co-operation…OR awkwardly trip and stumble and feel like both partners have two left feet!



Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 125 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 24 countries.

Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives

She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.

Denny has created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum" on Face Book which now has over 600 members.  She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of the newly published "The Missing Secret to Parenting", "The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula", "Mini-Me Syndrome" and two free e-booklets Parenting Using the Law of Attraction and Becoming an Awakened Parent".

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