How Would You Rate Your Child’s Self-Esteem?

by denny hagel on October 17, 2010

If you were asked to rate your child’s self-esteem from 1-10 how would you rate it? If you are like most parents you probably don't think too much about it…until there's an obvious problem.

The value or lack of value placed on a child’s perception of himself and the impact that perception will have on him throughout his life became crystal clear recently while I was on a coaching call with Direct Marketing expert. The topic was "5 Steps to Getting Unstuck In Business…Understanding What is Holding You Back!"

This particular expert is a powerful speaker because she speaks from her heart.  I have been studying under her for some time now and I have learned to pay close attention when she speaks because you never know when her next sentence will be the golden nugget you have been waiting for!

However, on this particular call, my ability to focus on what she was saying totally left me shortly after she began.

The first point she raised to the over 800 people who registered to hear this call, concerning what holds people back, was our beliefs…in ourselves, in our ability to succeed, in the probability that we will succeed and whether or not we believe we should succeed.

That was when it hit me…this was a powerful real life example of how real people struggle to achieve their heart’s desire because of the enormous impact our self-esteem has in our lives.

The blocks that the expert spoke of were rooted in a host of ideas, beliefs, and negative misconceptions people have as a result of experiences in their childhood… everything from not feeling deserving to a lack of belief in our capabilities to the inability to see life as being full of unlimited possibilities
As she continued, my focus drifted in and out…when I was focused I heard her say things like "we are all loved by God and we’re designed to succeed"…when my focus wandered away from her words I became fixated on how difficult it is for people to release negative beliefs that limit what we want to achieve in life.

I see proof of this every day in all walks of life, in every economic level and all educational backgrounds. Adults struggle as a result of low self-esteem.

Being a life-long student of psychology, I know that the foundation of our self-esteem begins during childhood. This is where we receive the building blocks to create a solid foundation of self-worth, confidence and a mindset that says all things are possible in life.

If the goal is (and I believe with all of my heart it is for most parents) to raise children who are empowered with a positive confident mindset and a healthy self-esteem, parents must understand that successful parenting begins within them.

Parents are the primary source of information, ideas, thoughts and beliefs for their children. Children look to them and will reflect what they see.

As an advocate for children and a parenting coach I hear the concern of parents every day. For the most part parents want to know how to control their children's "inappropriate" behavior, which form of discipline works best, or they want to understand what is wrong with their children because they don’t feel they are living up to his/her potential.

They see their children suffering from the effects of poor choices…everything from isolation to bullying and they are looking for answers.

What was being shared on this call fell right into place with the message I have devoted my career to sharing with parents. In addition to paying attention to their children’s physical needs, academic requirements, and even their social skills, parents need to be vigilant about their children's mindset and emotional needs.

It is vitally important for parents to take action, step up to the plate and carefully examine their own ideas, thoughts and beliefs not only for their own well being and level of success but to be sure they are not passing on ideas, thoughts and beliefs that will one day rise up and create blocks in their children’s lives and interfere with their heart’s desires.

Parents have the power to protect their children from limiting beliefs that will block them from living the life they deserve…a life of realizing their dreams and passions easily and effortlessly exactly the way the Divine intended it to be.

So, back to the opening question…
How would you rate your child’s level of self-esteem?”

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”

  ~C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939

  • Susan McKenzie

    Anything we can do as parents to boost the self-esteem of our children and grandchildren will transform their lives…. so much in our culture beats us down and causes us to fly too low. Just as a pilot would not risk flying low over a city full of wires, trees, and other hazards, if our children are raised in an environment fostering low self-esteem they are not free to soar. Denny, you encourage and remind me to use my imagination to soar, instilling greater beliefs in my own life and helping others around me to greater belief, as well… thanks!

  • Lily

    I completely agree with the quote at the end Denny! It’s been my regular observation that our children mimic almost everything about their parents, consciously or not. We’ve got to be diligent about being the kind of person we’d like them to be. Isn’t parenting great for self-improvement?

  • Carla

    This is so true. I really want to thank you for these wonderful articles. I see myself as a child here and now understand why I did what I did raising my kids. I also see why my daughter and son both, although in different ways, struggled with some areas growing up. Even as adults they struggle just like I do. This information is so helpful and I can’t thank you enough.

  • drscott

    Such an important message Denny! I constantly evaluate what words I chose when I’m with my kids. Encouragement HAS to be the tone. Thanks for your words.

  • Anonymous

    dr scott, Carla, Lily, and Susan~I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom, insights and encouraging kind words. I truly believe the change we want to see in the world is happening…imagine the next generation being rooted in and approaching life from a positive mindset!! We are on our way!

  • Anonymous

    Wow, Denny–great insight (and love the final quote). In fact, I’ve thought about it all day and came back to comment. I have recently been changing how I relate to my own children along these very lines and I appreciate your thought-provoking articles!

  • Anonymous

    I am honored by your kind words and thrilled at your response to my article. Thank you for coming back to comment…as my goal and passion is to affect the current parenting paradigm…you made my day!!

  • Beau Henderson

    Denny, it never ceases to amaze me when when I talk to a 40, 50, or 60 year old adult that are still bound by unfounded beliefs they have from childhood. As parents, high self-esteem is one of the greatest gifts you can give…

  • Anonymous

    Beau, that is exactly what I am passionately intending to change through my business and eBooks! The next generation rooted in a positive mindset, confidence and a healthy self-esteem!!!Woohoo! Good news…it IS happening!Thanks for commenting!

  • Pingback: Traditions and Teachable Moments()

  • Jeannette Webb

    Denny, You are right on the money. Whenever I saw something I didn’t particularly like in my children, I would look at myself. More often that I care to admit, my children were a reflection of my attitude, my beliefs. I had to change myself first. Being an honest parent totally transformed my life. Thanks for your insights!

  • Pingback: Flexibility is a Parent’s Best Tool()

  • Pingback: Bullying…Everyone is a Victim()

  • Pingback: Defining My ‘Real’ Dad()

  • Pingback: To Discipline or Not to Discipline!()

  • Pingback: We Beat the #1 Teen Challenge !()

  • Pingback: What Do You Do When Your Child Says “I Can’t”?()

  • Pingback: Bullying Lands on My Own Door Step()

  • Pingback: 3 Top Tips For Raising Co-operative Kids()

  • Pingback: 3 Ways to Create a Stress Free Thanksgiving Kid style!()

  • Pingback: Our Children Pay the Price for What We Deny in Ourselves()

  • Pingback: Parenting…The Path of Least Resistance()

  • Pingback: What Do You Expect From Your Child?()

  • Pingback: Five Easy Steps to Create Healthy Family Dynamics!()

  • Pingback: Embracing Your Child’s Spirit()

Previous post:

Next post: