Removing These 3 Small But Powerful Words “No, Not & Don’t” Will Have A Huge Impact on Your Child’s Life!

by denny hagel on January 25, 2012

“The difference between the right word and the almost right
word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”

~Mark Twain


Removing these 3 small but powerful words, “No, Not & Don’t” will have a huge impact on your child’s life.

Aside from the physical care and affection we show our children as infants, the sound of our voice becomes an important part of the source of our bond with them. Connecting the sound of our voice with having their needs met allows them to feel safe and secure. This becomes their first experience of trust in their new world.

Eventually these sounds are interpreted by them and have meaning as they begin to learn vocabulary. The words we use when speaking to our children set the example for words they eventually say back to us. Communication through words is a major part of how we build our relationship with our children. We use words to teach, explain and relate (Although my mother had a look that spoke a thousand words!).

Most parents will acknowledge that the very first word they stressed to their children was “NO!” Although it comes from love and a desire to protect, without realizing or intending it, this can have a very negative effect on the child.

In his book, Law of Attraction, (which by the way I highly recommend) because we live in a Universe of attraction, Michael Losier recommends that we remove the negative language from our lives. He suggests that we start by omitting the following three words:




Although small, they are very powerful words.

When you use the words, “No, Not, and Don’t” you are focusing on what you don’t want instead of what you do want, which immediately changes the focus of your intention from positive to negative. Rather than saying No, redirect your children by telling them what you do want them to do.

The following are examples of removing negative words and using the redirecting process:

The first word to remove is "No!"

 1. If your toddler is wanting to climb on top of the coffee table and you obviously see the danger in this, redirect your child by taking his hand and saying “Let’s sit on the couch” rather than harshly stating “No, don’t climb on the coffee table!”

2. If your child wants a piece of candy, instead of saying “No, you can’t have that, it is full of sugar” you could say “Come sit at the table with Mommy and I will get you some grapes.”

Of course we all recognize how much easier it is for parents or caregivers to just say “No!” But remember, because we live in a Universe of attraction what you focus on and what you put your attention on becomes reality. So, it is important to put your attention on what you do want from your child and express that to them.

In addition, by eliminating the word “No”, the benefits of starting your children’s life experiences focusing on the positive will set the tone of a loving positive attitude rather than a sharp negative one. 

The second word we need to omit is the word “Don’t.”

Again, using the word “don’t” puts our attention on the opposite of what we want. When broken down the word “don’t” means “not doing.”
For example, Don’t forget to pick up your toys” puts the focus on “not doing” what you are asking them to do.


When you turn it around and rephrase it by stating “please pick up your toys” you have said the same thing in a positive way and in a way that puts the focus on what you want them to do. 

The third word to eliminate is “not.”

An example of this would be when someone is intending to improve a certain area of their life.

For instance, if you are challenged with being on time and you tell yourself repeatedly…“I will not be late””I will not be late”…you are really putting the focus on being late! The positive would of course be to say, “I will be on time.”

Paying attention to the words we use is not only important in attracting what we want instead of what we don’t want, but that words are also important because of the feelings they generate when they are used, both in the one speaking them and to the one hearing them.

As we know, limiting beliefs or negative mental habits begin in childhood as a result of thoughts that are reinforced with emotion. With that in mind, we can see that a positive request to do something rather than a negative demand can create a desire in the child to do what you request as well as promote a positive mindset.

Putting this into practice:


Although it may sound simple enough to stop using these tiny little words, often parents find it difficult. Making changes in our lives, even ones that we can see as beneficial is not always easy. And as it is with anything, change begins within our mind…


When we shift our perception of our role in our child’s life, our vocabulary automatically changes too.

 A parenting mindset that ignores the individuality of children and instead sees children as beings to mold according to our beliefs and ideas is based on controlling which is acted out by issuing orders and commands.

“Don’t play that in the house!”
“No! You can’t go outside!”
“That is not the right way to do that…!”


Using these 3 negative words is almost always used in the context of a command or order. And more often than not are met with a negative response or reaction. Hence the Law of Attraction at work!

In contrast, when the parenting mindset honors and respects the individuality of children and therefore sees the parent’s role as one to guide and nurture, our choice of words reflects positive aspects. 

“I would rather you play that outside!”
“We are ready to eat dinner, perhaps you can go outside afterwards!”
“Let me show you an easier way to do that…”

When parents adopt a healthy parenting mindset that is based on respect honor, trust and unconditional love, negative words have little place. Change your parenting mindset and the words will follow!

Do you have a healthy Parenting Mindset?
Are You sure?

The Missing Secret To Parenting provides information and tools to examine and improve the health of your mindset in order to be sure you are being the parent your children deserve!



The Missing Secret to Parenting
Skills, tools, insights and strategies to
BE the Best Parent YOU Can Be


Denny Hagel is a child advocate and parenting coach, devoting over 25 years to the success and well being of all children. She is the published author of over 150 articles on parenting, many of which have attracted international attention in over 24 countries.

Denny was blessed with forward thinking parents who raised her with an understanding of her value as an individual, her innate power to choose by way of her thoughts, ideas, opinions and beliefs, thus, instilling in her a strong sense of personal responsibility for what happens in our lives

She is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to helping parents release parenting paradigms of the past and consciously choose to raise their children to approach life with a positive mindset and strong sense of self. It is Denny’s passion to combine what she learned through her formal education in early childhood education and psychology and what her parents instilled in her and pass this on to all parents.

Denny has created the discussion group "Awakened Parenting Discussion Forum" on Face Book which now has nearly 600 members.  She does on line coaching with parents and teachers who consult her on a regular basis. Denny collaborates with counselors, authors, coaches and others working in the parent coaching field. Denny Hagel is the author of the newly published "The Missing Secret to Parenting", "The C.P.R. Program for Parents & Teens: Conflict Prevention/Resolution Formula", "Mini-Me Syndrome" and two free e-booklets Parenting Using the Law of Attraction and Becoming an Awakened Parent".











  • AD VirtualAssistance

    Denny – brilliant article!  I love this quote: 
    “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”  Love reading your posts. Thanks for sharing your tips with us. :)

  • Olga Hermans

    It all comes down to the ways of how we say something and what tone of voice we use, isn’t it? Especially children are very sensitive to this, but then again who is not sensitive to this? I know I am; I don’t like to hear NO!! 

  • Hughie Bagnell

    Hi Denny…I understand that a child hears the word ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ 148,000 times…it is amazing!!! The subconcious mind, as you know, plays an extremely important role in our growth and we need to continue to feed it with motivation and inspiration…Thank you once again for your amazing sharing….Hughie :)

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